Passé

I don’t like this commercial, because when I see it, it makes me not want to buy the product that’s being advertised. I don’t want to buy this product because I don’t like the guy who’s trying to sell it to me. I don’t like him because he reminds me of every dickhead investment banker I’ve ever met whose main purpose in life is to irritate the living shit out of everyone within a twenty foot radius by overexuberantly raving about plasma screen TV’s and WaveRunners.

I guarantee you this guy has never opened a door for a woman in his life. He doesn’t know you’re supposed to, so he just goes in first and leaves you on the sidewalk. We’re all here to pay tribute to him by being just as intense about his Escalade as he is. When he drives by, we’re supposed to nod our heads slowly, just like him, and say, “That’s right, motherfuckers. There he goes.”

Who’s this ad targeted at, anyway? Vintage 1999 alpha males hanging on to the last vestiges of Massengill before the Massive Redistribution? I mean, I have no desire to see anyone taken down a notch because of my own failure to capitalize, but the sooner guys like Mr. Eyebrow King here become anachronisms, the happier I think we’re all going to be – at least until the next brilliant financial clusterfuck starts taking shape and they’re back to make everyone’s skin crawl for another few years.