Wednesday, November 12, 2008


Divorced Guy: “I have an embarrassing question to ask you.”

Me: “Okay.”

DG: “Here’s the situation. I’m dead sober, and I had this girl who was really eager to come over. I f----d her and then she blew me.”

“That sounds nice.”

DG: “Does it or does it not mean that it’s not meant to be in that situation if I struggle to finish?”

Me: “What do you mean by ‘meant to be?’”

“It means I’m wondering if this person is wrong for this activity.”

Me: “Oh.”

“Would you, in this same situation, bother to try this activity with the same girl again, knowing you’d be in for a repeat of this struggle?”

“I don't know why there was a struggle. Were you not aroused by the girl?”

DG: “I was aroused to begin with. The very idea of having sex got me going.”

Me: “Have you been active frequently in the past few days? If I haven't shot off in a couple of days and I can't finish, that's a warning sign.”

“I can’t remember when I shot a load last. Maybe two days ago?”

Me: “Well, maybe I have no idea what I’m talking about here, but I have a theory. When you don't get laid for a while -- not sure of his time frame here -- and you're used to ‘guiding yourself’ to completion, you get used to having things exactly the way you want them. In other words, when you jerk off, you're creating your own ideal conditions, and you get used to them if that's your only means of release for an extended period of time. When you finally do have to perform, your ideal scenario no longer exists, and you'll either shoot too soon, or you'll struggle to shoot at all.”

DG: “I see.”