Door Wisdom II

Want the job? Approach it like you’re interviewing for Goldman Sachs.

Yes, I’m serious. Again with the clichés, but you don’t get a second chance at a first impression. Even though most bar and nightclub managers are soulless automatons I wouldn’t piss on in the desert, showing up to meet them wearing a do-rag, sweats, and Timberlands is a surefire way to not get called back.

You don’t need to wear a suit, but you should at least consider a collared shirt, your best pair of jeans, and a pair of black shoes. Make sure you’re well-groomed, too. It’s cool if you’re rolling with a goatee, or even a beard, but try to look like you just came from the barber shop—and not like you just rolled out of bed and popped a molly (note gratuitous attempt to show that I’m still in touch with this shit).

Bring a pen and your security license, fill out your application neatly and coherently, and when your turn to talk to the manager comes up, make eye contact, shake hands firmly without breaking it, and try your best to be “casual-serious guy” for the thirty seconds he’ll spend talking to you. Don’t act tough, don’t talk about what a monumental shit-kicker you are, and emphasize the fact that you’re sober, punctual, won’t call in sick, and won’t be a problem for anyone if you’re hired.

Remember, most bar and club managers would rather hire a guy who’s worked without trouble in some completely unrelated job than some dick who’s a fifth-degree black belt in sixteen different martial arts, but looks like someone who doesn’t understand the concept of showing up on time and doing what he’s told. Give off a “good soldier” vibe, but don’t act like a lap dog. That’s the best way I can put it.

It’s a shitty job, where you’ll be working for shitty people, but you’ll still have to convince them it’s worth their while to pay you to do it, so make yourself look the part.