Monday, February 18, 2013

Door Wisdom I

You want to be a bouncer. 

You're a bouncer and you want to get better at it.

You're a bouncer and you want out.

Here is some advice.

Do something else.

Bouncing is not a good job. It’s shit. When this blog was at its peak, I’d get dozens of emails each week from otherwise well-meaning guys asking me if their “training” would make them better bouncers. They’d send me their weight training routines, I’d hear about their MMA classes, and I’d have guys send me pictures of all the homemade weapons they used on the job.

So, here’s Tip #1: Who gives a fuck? You’re wasting your time if you put that much thought into it. Your best move is to apply your intelligence and creativity someplace else. The nightclub industry doesn’t deserve it.

I know what it’s like to need the money, believe me. If you’re currently in a situation where bouncing is one of your only viable options, just make sure you’re always thinking ahead to what you want to do next. Pardon the cliché, but for me, it was nothing more than a means to an end. I always had a plan to do something else, and bouncing was a way to bring in a nice little second income in order to get where I wanted to go. The fact that it indirectly led to a new career was due, in large part, to blind luck.

Yes, I spent several years writing this blog for a half dozen people, which doesn’t exactly square with the “blind luck” explanation, but the point here is that I always knew my stay in the nightclub industry would be temporary. I did nothing to prepare for it, I didn’t train to get better at it, and I didn’t give a rat’s fucking ass about any of it other than making sure I didn’t get shot on my way home.

In fact, I ripped the armpit out of my blazer in a fight, never sewed the thing, and spent over a year wearing it to work without even having the fucking thing dry cleaned. It didn’t even occur to me to fix it or clean it until I was putting it on before work—and by that time, it was too late. That’s how little I cared. I was too busy thinking about the rest of my life, and the things I was working on, to give a flying fuck.

So, that’s today’s advice: Unless you’re a total fuckwad, the bar or club is not your life, so don’t treat it that way. Show up on time, do your job, then spend the rest of your time working on your next move.