Shady Acres

I have a Green Acres story.

Green Acres is located on the border of Valley Stream, Long Island and...I guess you’d call it Laurelton, Queens. This is less than five miles from where I used to live in Queens. Growing up, everyone called it “Black Acres,” even black people. Especially black people. Go ahead and tell me this is racist. I don’t give a shit, because the first guy I ever heard call it that was a Jamaican kid who lived on Springfield Boulevard.

I’m not being racist, and I’m not making any demographic claims. I’m just pointing out a fact.

When I was 17, I was held up in the parking lot outside Sears. I was wearing a leather coat and a gold chain – remember where I grew up, please – and a guy walked up, showed us a gun, and took our coats and jewelry.

I once went to the movies at the old Sunrise Multiplex at Green Acres, and saw a guy sitting in my row stand up, walk to the wall, take a leak and sit back down. I guess he didn’t want to miss anything. This explained why the old Sunrise Multiplex always reeked of urine. It also explained why people used to get shot there frequently.

You people don’t remember this shit because it hasn’t happened in a while, but watch what’ll happen around here if and when the economy stays shitty.

Ladies and gentlemen, Southeast Queens.