Friday, November 21, 2008



I’ve worked security in Chicago on every level and at many different types of establishments for around fifteen years and can relate to almost all of what you write. I have a situation that has arisen from time to time, and I would like your perspective.

Last Saturday night I was involved in an altercation with a gentleman who flat out refused to leave after closing time. The lights were up, the music was off, he had no drink and it was just past 3 am. Now, normally I try and avoid beating on the last problem of the evening, as he will get what everyone the entire night had coming to them. However, he decided he was going to play with my tie. In an arrogant fashion, he informed me how much he makes, how I am not worth listening to, etc, all the while tugging. my. tie. Of course I choked him out of the club immediately.

Herein lies the question. As I was dragging him out, his girlfriend leapt to his honor. She got knocked down in the fracas, and then after I let him go outside, she jumped on me again. Reacting without really thinking about it, I gave her a hearty door guy shove. She sprawled on the ground and sounded like the grape lady from the news. She wasn't hurt at all, but she put on a good show. A bunch of dudes who had no idea what happened (they even admitted as such) came over and said, "Real men don't push women," and that I was a pussy. I felt bad, but she shouldn’t have tried to jump me after I didn't kick his ass.

I would love to hear what you have done in similar situations as undoubtedly you have encountered it before, and you have a forum in which to educate jackasses on how not to act in a physical altercation, if that makes sense.

Its always great to read your blog, keep the stories coming!


Mike, any guy with any semblance of decency isn’t going to want to touch a girl in that situation, but sometimes people don’t give you the option of exercising your upbringing. It’s bad enough that these retards have to act the way they do, but there’s a certain sentiment involved – honor, in a perverse sort of way? – that would, ideally, keep men as the combatants and women as the concerned onlookers. Win the fight, go home and bang your girlfriend. Lose the fight and she gives you a cold compress and some sympathy. Either way, stay the fuck out of it until the physical part is over.

I don’t want to get into a whole thing about gender roles here, but women, unless they’re Gina Carano, really have no place in the middle of a physical altercation between multiple guys. If they want to jump in front of one side or the other before things happen and appeal to them not to fight, that’s fine, but once things get started – especially if the guys involved are physically capable and under the influence – it’s suicide.

They’re also courting trouble if they escalate things by trying to kick guys in the nuts or wielding a weapon. I’ve had this happen to me, and I’ve seen it dozens of times, and it never works out for the woman.

We had a situation a few years back where a bouncer was in the process of restraining some excessively violent coked-up jerkoff. On the way out the door – which was opened with his face – he punched me in the nuts. As soon as we let go of him outside, he turned around and started throwing punches.

Another bouncer pinned him to the hood of a car and was trying to get him to stop fighting. His girlfriend ran out, took off a spike heel, and hit the bouncer in the back of the neck. He wheeled around, not knowing who’d hit him, and backhanded her square in the face. She dropped to the ground like a bag of shit.

Now, is he less of a “man” because he did this? Or should he just stand there and allow someone – male or female – to physically assault him? The guy was hit in the back of the neck with a potentially dangerous weapon, and people still gave him shit for knocking out a girl. Not me, though. As far as I’m concerned, he had every right in the world to defend himself against something like that. Every right.

That night, when the police were called, I explained to them how twenty guys stood around and watched as a girl hit my friend with a spike heel while his back was turned. That was pretty much all they needed to know.

I don’t know if I’d shove a girl, per se – although from your description, you seem to have been dealing with both people by yourself – but whether you’re male or female, you’re crossing a line when you put your hands on someone you don’t know. For the lousy $125 a night most bouncers make, it’s just not worth having to tolerate.