Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Closet Liberal

When President-Elect Obama kept going on and on about “change” all summer and fall, I had no idea he was setting me up for the past week and a half. No wonder he was elected. The man is a damned prophet.

I should have listened, but I didn’t. And now change is here, and as you read – or didn’t – in one of yesterday’s posts, I was all banged up over it for a few days. Those few days are over, however, so I’ll not be as touched in the head in coming days.

I have a dyslexic friend who can’t spell the word “definitely.” He always types or texts it as “defiantly.” He also always types “conform” instead of “confirm.”

Today he told me that we “must defiantly conform.”

The timing of this email was perfect for me, because that’s precisely what I’m doing. I’m defiantly conforming to a shitload of sudden changes that have inserted themselves into my life this week.

If you’ve ever played football, you know what a “sudden change” call is. That’s what happens when, for example, a series ends, the starting defensive unit runs off the field, and on the first play after the offense takes over, your stupid douche of a quarterback throws an interception.

“Sudden change! Sudden change!”

You have to forget your break time, get your chinstrap buckled, and get your ass back on the field, ready or not. I used to hate sudden changes, even though I always played on both sides of the ball at every level, because you had to switch into an entirely different mindset in the blink of an eye.

Sudden changes sucked, and they still do, but there’s nothing we can do about them. After a while, you stop getting pissed off about being back on the field, and you just say, “Fuck it. I’m gonna go get the fucking ball back.”

And when you scrape down the line, fill an open window, and wrap up and grab cloth with your head on the ball, sometimes the damned thing comes loose and you earn yourself a break.

I just ran back onto the field.