Tuesday, September 23, 2008


Guy bangs on the door of a bathroom stall. Then he bangs again. He’s banging a little too hard. The bouncer in the area throws him out. He walks around the block and comes in the front door because the bouncer who tossed him didn’t tell me not to let him in.

If they don’t tell us, we don’t know.

The bouncer who’d thrown him out walks him back up to the front door, parades him in front of me and says, “Don’t let this guy back in.”

Guy walks up to me and demands to see the owner. I tell him to fuck off. He demands to see the owner again. I tell him I’m busy. He gets a little too close, demands to see the owner again, and touches my arm. I get very angry. He walks back around the block.

Call comes in on the radio: “Back door! Back door! Back door!”

I run to the back door. When I get there, the guy, plus another guy, are on the back of the bouncer who was initially involved. I peel one guy off and move him away. He tries to grab me by the collar. I give him an old-school karate move someone taught me in a garage when I was thirteen. Those come in handy against stupid people. He’s stunned. I backhand him, just a little flick. He’s stunned some more. I take him down, get my knee in his back, and press his face against the concrete.

He screams, “You pawnched me! What you pawnch me for?”

I ask, “I what?”

He says, “You fuckin’ pawnched me!”

I ask, “What the fuck is a pawnch?”

He says, “What you pawnch me for?”

I say, “You’re lucky I only pawnched you. If I would’ve punched you, I would’ve knocked your ass out.”