How it Works, Part MCMLXXI

This is what it’s like to work in the bar and club business.

On Saturday afternoon, I called our “head bouncer” regarding Tropical Storm Hanna, which was slated to roll through New York that night.

“I just wanted to know if you guys were considering cutting any staff tonight,” I said, “because the weather’s supposed to suck and we’re probably gonna be dead.”

“We were packed last night,” he replied, “so plan on working.”

“What does last night have to do with tonight? You know there’s a giant storm coming, right?”

“Yeah, which means more people will be staying around here, as opposed to going out to Long Island to be by the water.”

“Fair enough,” I said.

Makes sense, right? What you have to understand about New York is that people go to the water to drink and smoke crack and be assholes when the weather is warm. They don’t stay inland. The go out to Long Island, or “down the shore,” and they take all their assholerie with them and bother someone else for a change. I’ve always enjoyed working in the city during the summer months, and this is precisely why.

Fast forward to 8 PM, in my car on my way to work. More than halfway there, in fact. My phone rings.

“Are you on your way in?”

“Yeah,” I say.

“Turn around and go home. We’re cutting security, and I figured you didn’t want to work since you called me before.”

“You couldn’t tell me this at three in the fucking afternoon when I called you for this exact reason?”

“Sorry, man,” he says. “Phil just called me, so I cut you first. You were the only one who called that early. I’ll give you an extra night this week if you want.”