Straight From The Door

I’m at the point with bouncing where I have nothing but complete and utter disdain for everyone who approaches me at the door. It’s been this way for a while. This is not my fault, and it’s not some sort of character flaw. As I hate to say, but all-too-often do, it is what it is. Do this stupid job long enough, and it’ll happen to you, too.

I work as a bouncer because it’s ridiculously easy money. You, the average reader of this site, wouldn’t be able to get my job. I’m not saying this because I don’t think you’d be able to do it. You probably could. Not that it’s anything worth bragging about, but I’ve been lucky in the nightclub business. I’ve been in some of the right places at some of the right times, and I’ve met some people who’ve been able to help me out. The point of this is not to crow about having a “money spot” at a nightclub, because in the grand scheme of things, that’s crap. All I’m saying is that with the economy the way it is right now, I’d be an idiot to give it up.

That said, I despise the customers so much that I’ve fallen into the habit of throwing their licenses when they act like arrogant pricks at the door. I take their cards, hook my index finger around the topside corner, and scale them down the sidewalk like little Frisbees. Yes, this is an asshole move on my part, and yes, I know some of you will say to yourselves, “If he ever threw my fuckin’ license, I’d stab him in the throat.”

That’s fine with me. If someone pulled this maneuver on me, I’d feel the same way. It’s “bullying” at its worst. I accept this, and I understand the sentiment. I also don’t care anymore. I’m done being a fucking punching bag, and I’m done with arrogant little shitbags who think the process doesn’t apply to them.

I’ve been less accepting than ever lately, in my non-bouncing life, of unsolicited hostility. This applies both to people I know and people I don’t know. If you’re hostile to me for no reason, I’m going to be openly hostile back to you. A handful of people with whom I’m acquainted can attest to this after having their steaming plates of hot garbage dumped back in their laps in recent weeks. I neither have the time, nor the patience, to be on the receiving end of anyone’s shit – especially if I’m not the cause of the problem.

So, if I’m not taking any of it from people I know, I’m sure as hell not dealing with it from some twenty-three year-old slapdick who pretends not to understand that the owners of the establishment he’s trying to enter are running a business – one that’s legally obligated to ensure that its clientele are all of legal drinking age.

I know I’m a boil on your ass when you’re trying to get into the club. You’re one on mine, too. Just take your fucking ID out, and we can avoid interacting altogether. Thanks.