I did good today. Very, very good. Well, too. I was up at 5:15, got my ass to work, and didn’t get home until after 10 – and here I am, sitting down to write something even though I’m tired as fuck. I think what I’m happiest about tonight is that I’m actually starting to give a crap again – about my “career,” about developing the discipline to do some shit I don’t want to do once in a while, and about learning the meaning of the word “professional.”
That’s probably the biggest key for me – being a pro. I think I can still be a little fucked in the head and complain about shit, but I’m pretty much free and clear to do that as long as I’m moving forward and trying to actually get better. Until recently, I was all former and no latter, and that shit doesn’t get you anywhere, because when you don’t do this every day, you start to suck at it. Sure, you can be grammatically correct and spell everything right, but you still suck because your mind isn’t working the way it needs to.
You’ll have to excuse me for writing posts like the ones you’re reading this week. It’s almost like I have to work these basics out in my head in order to start shaking the rust off so I can write about the good shit – stuff that happens at work, shit I see on the sidewalk, etc, etc. I need to get this crap out of my system and figure out my next move, and I need to open up my head and look around so I can figure out what to focus on. The whole bouncing thing was a damned good idea, but that’s out the fucking window now – even though I miss the ready-to-roll aspect of having funny shit to write about every single day.
My life right now isn’t as funny as it was five years ago. It can be, though. I just need to start looking at it like I used to.
Also, I’ve had a Kindle for about a year. Thing is fucking amazing. I’ll write out what’s on it soon.