Crux

Honestly, the reason I haven’t done dick as a writer – despite being able to write pretty fucking well – is that I’m lazy as shit and can’t get going most days. When your goal was (is) to write something people want to read – and that sells like a motherfucker – it’s a problem when you’d rather do anything but sit in a chair, at a desk, and crank shit out. Forget how long I did this and how much material is on this site. That doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re supposed to write every damned day if you want to be any good at this shit, and I don’t.

Got some furniture to move? Need a roof on your house? I’ll sit there and bang it out without a break. Need a few paragraphs written? I’ll need a few months on that, thanks.

This post right here is a perfect example. I typed less than 100 words, then stopped what I was doing to see who just texted me.

Then, after typing this last sentence – and I even thought about turning my fucking phone off while I was typing it – I replied to this bullshit text that meant absolutely nothing to my life in the grand scheme of things, then sat there staring at my phone to see what the reply would be. And the reply was more bullshit, but me being me, I sent something back. And so on.

Meanwhile, this post sat here unattended.

For me, it’s about output and discipline. The former is painfully low. The latter, I don’t have. At all, at least with writing. It sucks, and it’s something I have to do something about. Even now, I’m looking at the clock, and I’m realizing I have to go to sleep soon – but I haven’t done jack shit tonight except write a post complaining about how badly I suck at sticking with this tenaciously enough to make something out of it.

And I’ve been sitting here texting the entire time, even though I mentioned turning my phone off a few paragraphs back.

It’s a problem.