Thursday, December 18, 2008

Yearning For Yurman

Things got better yesterday. Since we’re firmly entrenched in self-help week here on the ol’ bouncing blog, I guess I’ll tell you about it.

About an hour after I woke up yesterday morning, I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started taking steps to solve the fucking problem. That started me off well. Then, for the next several hours, I concentrated solely on things that would make me money. That kept things rolling.

Then, I went to the gym and absolutely tore shit up. That made me really happy. Following that, I came home and did more things that will make me money. I then spent an hour helping out a group of people I help on a regular basis. That made me feel very satisfied with myself. I was satisfied because I didn’t get carried away with it like I usually do. I sealed off an hour-long block, constrained my “help” to the confines of that block, and cut if off when their hour was up.

Then I went back to the gym and ran my ass off for 45 minutes. Then I went home and drank the following, blended:

2 Scoops Whey Protein
1/3 Cup Old Wessex Irish Oatmeal (the best I’ve ever had)
1 Tablespoon Natural Peanut Butter
1 Tablespoon Ground Flax
3 Egg Whites
1 Tablespoon Plain Nonfat Yogurt
16 Ounces Water

Then I watched the episode of Law and Order I recorded while I was at the gym. Then I read about fifty pages of my book, took some notes – I do that occasionally – and went to sleep.

Also, confidential to the Bayside Bloatmaster, thanks for the text. I got it on my way to the gym and forgot to text you back. Yes, I am “more morose than usual,” but it’s okay. The shotgun is no longer anywhere near my mouth.

Additionally, you still have yet to explain to me why you exist. I believe your entire life is a nauseatingly desperate plea for attention. Even when performing a selfless, altruistic task like texting me in my time of “need,” your actions still smack of that same voyeuristic pathos from which I suspect you’ve suffered for many years now.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with conformity, JS. I know we’re all about individualism here in America, but I believe what they say in Japan holds true here as well, especially in your case:

“The nail that sticks up gets hammered down.”

So I pose the question again, "big" guy...

Why, indeed?

(You will probably take this diatribe to mean that I miss berating you on a bi-weekly basis. You would be correct.)