Thursday, October 25, 2007

I Know Everything

I’m a link chaser. I chase links. I look at my blog stats sometimes, and when I do - when I see where you people are coming here from - I chase down links and see who’s referring you to me. I really do this. It can be fun.

One of these links, from someone’s personal page at Harvard University, recommended the site but added an annoying little disclaimer. He said he enjoyed reading my material despite the fact that I was often a little too “self-righteous” for his tastes.

This may be true.

Whether or not it is, however, is irrelevant. It’s also impossible. This is a personal site, set up by me for me, for the sole purpose of writing whatever the fuck’s on my mind at any given moment.

There exist certain societal norms that must be adhered to within the context of the situations I describe. These norms must be adhered to because society – along with my years of experience in the nightclub business - says so. I know society says so because society becomes enraged and starts swinging, stabbing and shooting when these norms are not in their proper place. When people deviate from these norms, it’s often funny. When Guidos deviate from these norms, it’s hysterical and often results in violence, bleeding and people being punched in the nuts.

I love bouncers who punch people in the nuts. Why waste time? Why get hit?

I’m not being “self-righteous” when I say that too many people in the New York area are rude and abrasive, am I? When I state that Guidos who wear white belts, white Capri pants and sunglasses look stupid, I’m not being “self-righteous.” I’m pointing out a fact. They do look stupid. In ten years, pictures of these people will make us laugh even harder than they do now. In ten years, even Guidos will have moved on to that elusive next thing, leaving this shirtless spike-head nonsense to rot in the shitpile where it belongs.

When I complain about people smoking directly in front of doors, I’m not being “self-righteous,” even when I go on at length about how I wouldn’t engage in this practice myself because you’d have to be a fucking retard to smoke a cigarette directly in front of a door. Fuck people who smoke cigarettes directly in front of doors. Feel free to make your little political statement by smoking directly in front of a door. I’ll make mine by slamming said door in your face. At this point we’re even, and neither of us, at any point, was behaving any more “self-righteously” than the other.

The world is not a place where you can just go and do whatever the fuck you want. People will come and slap you down, hard and repeatedly, if you think it is. This is reality. When you bother people, it will piss them off. When you piss them off, they will react badly to you. They will try to make you stop. Occasionally, this will hurt.

I may be a very delusional person, but in my line of work you tend to get a very good handle on which behaviors tend to piss the world off, and you eventually develop the ability to explain to people what these behaviors are. Pointing out these behaviors is not an example of self-righteousness. When you’ve been victimized by them enough times – when you work in the service industry and pile up a large enough statistical sampling of bullshit - you’ll realize that humanity’s natural reaction to this victimization is anger.

Is it simply a matter of chance that my opinion and reality match up so very well when it comes to this shit?

I think not.