Bar Fun

Here is how I amuse myself at the door of the bar:

I wait until I really, really, really have to take a leak. Then, I find the stupidest looking guy at the bar - the dick with the sideways trucker hat and the spiderweb tattoo on both elbows - and send him to the back with a message.

"Do me a favor and tell the bouncer in the back to come up here, okay?"

"Sure thing, chief," they say.

The bouncer in the back will always come up the first time I do this. It may even work a second time, but the third attempt, as it was tonight, is usually met with a text message in reply:

"Go fuck urself."

Shoot me now. Shoot me now.