Pegged

Here is yet another valuable piece of advice from me to you. By “you,” I don’t mean all of you, because this advice applies primarily to the Guido populace. Since this is the case, I’m not entirely certain of this post’s utility, because I don’t know if any Guidos read this site. If they do, I hope this little tidbit can be of assistance.

Here it is.

Please do not claim to be “best friends” with someone who fights in the UFC if you don’t actually know the person. Claiming to be “best friends” with a UFC fighter – or anyone, for that matter - you don’t know is a very sad and desperate thing to do, especially if the person to whom you’re making this claim knows the UFC fighter in question and knows you’re not “best friends” with him.

And it only compounds matters when you can’t pronounce said UFC fighter’s last name correctly. I know the last names of all my “best friends” and can say them properly, even under pressure.

Claiming to be “best friends” with someone you don’t know is a risky proposition. If you do it long enough, you may, in fact, come across someone who knows you’re full of shit. This makes you look very stupid, because this someone is well aware that you’re attempting to make yourself look tough by proxy. Attempting to make yourself look tough by proxy doesn’t work.

It’s akin to dropping Vincent Gigante’s name at the door. Strange, delusional and misguided to the hilt.

These are not good ideas.