I'm a CAGE FIGHTER!

Hi Everybody!

A Guido was spotted wearing a white tee shirt, white Capri pants, and white sneakers of unknown manufacture. This Guido was simultaneously stared at and ridiculed by several bouncers who witnessed his entrance. This scene was rather sad and I felt sympathetic toward this Guido, but then I remembered that he could have avoided the entire scene by not dressing like a jackass.

People who wear white tee shirts, white Capri pants and white sneakers of unknown manufacture are intentionally provoking a negative response, so they shouldn’t complain very much when they’re treated to one. My advice to them would be to report to the nearest Karate dojo and become a UFC fighter or a “certified” street fighter. That way, they could beat me up when I make fun of them.

Here I sit lamenting the fact that everyone’s midlife crisis now entails wearing a “gi” and learning how to put me in a “kimura” or “choke me out.”

“I’ll put you in a submission!”

“No you won’t.”

Newsflash: You’re not the only person in the world who knows Jiu-Jitsu!

Several Guidos were seen wearing tee shirts that said “Christian Audigier” on the back. The name “Christian Audigier” is printed in a script similar to the font used in the printing of “Ed Hardy” on the backs of the shirts that Guidos were wearing two weeks ago. During this two week period, the “Christian Audigier” name seems to have supplanted the “Ed Hardy” name in back-of-Guido-shirt popularity.

This seems odd, because “Christian Audigier” is evidently the designer of the “Ed Hardy” brand. Then again, I’m not privy to the memos.

I have yet to see a Guido wearing either a “Christian Audigier” or “Ed Hardy” shirt with Capri pants. I don’t know if this is a Guido faux pas. All I’m saying is that I haven’t seen it.

Yours in fear,

Rob the Bouncer