Monday, May 08, 2006


I know a lot of things. I know these things because I spent most of my time alone growing up, and haven't ever felt the need to clamor for attention. I learned these things, alone, by remaining silent while others were speaking. By coming to realize, through parental repression, that I dislike the sound of my own voice and have no pressing need to hear it over those with more substantial things to say than mine.

When I watched television as a kid, I never laughed at sitcoms because I always watched them by myself. When I watched with others, and they howled like madmen at the nonsense on the screen, I assumed I was missing something. I figured I didn't get the jokes, and so I laughed along with the rest, hoping I could pick things up on the fly. Now I know better.

The news would come on, and my father would shout at Bill Beutel as if the man had been personally responsible for black people "taking over" our neighborhood.

He wouldn't stop long enough to listen.

I'd watch a game by myself, and I'd sit quietly and hear the whole damned thing, then come downstairs and wonder why my father and brothers always had their facts wrong. And then they'd all start shouting again and I'd want to be anywhere but there because they needed to shut the fuck up but never did.

They still wonder how I know things they don't. Mostly, I dislike them.

And I found this! And these guys would fuck "Clint" up. No doubt in my mind.