Monday, June 25, 2007

Alibi Ike

Here’s another piece of advice from the bouncing world that can readily be applied to “real” life:

If someone is lying to you, they’ll always say more than they need to say, and a massive portion of what they’re saying will be completely unsolicited. This becomes even more obvious when someone is lying to you about having fucked you over. I’m in italics, because what I’m saying is much more important than what “he” is:

“Hey, man. What’s up?”

“Look, I didn’t do it. It’s not my fault. It wasn’t me. It was them. They made me do it. I tried to stop them. I tried to talk them out of it. You have to believe me when I tell you I had nothing to do with any of this. Really, I didn’t, and I don’t want you to think any of this was my idea, because you know me and you know I’d never fuck you over like that. I went in and had meeting after meeting with them and told them not to do it, but they went ahead and did it anyway and it was all behind my back. Seriously, man. I would never do anything like that to you. I’ve always had your back, haven’t I? You know I’ve always had your back.”

“Cool. How was the crowd last night?”

“Listen, none of this had anything to do with me. It came from upstairs, for real. I went and talked to Carmine and told him to leave you out of all the bullshit, and he promised me he would, but then they went and did this. They’re assholes, man, and you can’t hold me responsible, because I’ve always been your boy. I would never do anything to fuck with your job. You have to believe me. You believe me, right? I wanted to call you during the week to tell you that none of this had anything to do with me, but I was busy trying to talk them out of it because I didn’t want them dragging you into it. You believe me, don’t you?”

“Yikes. Looks like rain, wouldn’t you say?”

“Yo, just promise me we’re still friends. I need to hear we’re still friends because you have to believe that I did everything in my power to make sure they didn’t blow up your spot. I heard Freddie talking about how I was trying to pull some shit behind the scenes and stab people in the back, and when I see him I’m gonna punch him in the face, ‘cause I’m not like that and you know I’m not like that. You’ve been working with me for four years now, right? You know I’m on the level. You know I don’t fuck with my friends’ jobs like that. For what? Just to put money in my own pocket? I don’t play those kinds of games and you know I don’t. You believe me, right? You have to believe me!”

“I already talked to Carmine, jackass. Your plan didn’t work.”

“Oh. Shit. Okay, well, it wasn’t personal, man. Just business.”