Tuesday, April 10, 2007


I’ve griped on this site in the past about people giving grandiose “life updates” on their blogs as though people actually give a shit. I’ve even apologized for writing a few of these of my own. I’ve rightfully been upbraided for doing both things – although I’ve deserved it more for bitching about the former than the latter.

Nobody should set himself up as the ultimate arbiter for what should appear on other peoples’ blogs. It’s hypocrisy on my part to play this role, because when I get email regarding content my first response is to say, “Well, dude, I haven’t received your subscription check yet, so I think I’ll be retaining my position as editor of my own blog. But thanks.” As usual, I do nothing but complain no matter which end of things I’m on.

That said, it may please some of you to hear that my little hiatus is coming to an end, and that I’ll be posting regularly on this site again. I’ve been off doing some other shit lately – working, mostly – and I haven’t had the time nor the motivation to write about much of anything. My nights at the club have been rather uninspiring as of late, consisting of little more than standing around shooting the shit with people for hours on end. There’s nothing new about that, obviously, but the difference this time around is that I haven’t been paying any attention whatsoever to the poor Guidos.

For the past three years or so, I’ve carried a pad and pen in the inside pocket of the cheap-ass blazer I wear when I bounce. When something funny happens, I write it down then come home and chronicle it here. These past few months, I haven’t been doing that. I haven’t been doing much of anything, to be perfectly honest. Mostly, I’ve been concentrating on helping some other people out with various things in their lives while I sit around in limbo waiting for the whole book release process to finally get legs and start moving. None of these “things” have involved writing, either, which is probably not a good thing because I need to be doing this on a more regular basis in order to stay in practice. Lord knows I need the reps.

As for the book, you’ll have to excuse all the delays. They’re nobody’s fault but my own, and they’re not really “delays” because I keep tending to make up my own arbitrary publishing dates based on informal throwaway discussions with people at HarperCollins. When I say, “The book will be in stores in April,” I’m pulling things out of my ass. I really have no idea. If you want to stay up to date with something approaching reality, stop listening to my nonsense and check my Amazon page because it’s exponentially more accurate than the information I’ve been providing.

Why has the book taken so long to come out? It’s been a combination of factors. Everyone who knows me personally is aware that I’ve dealt with some serious shit over the past year. This “serious shit” has, unfortunately, drawn the process out quite a bit. Also, this wasn’t some fly-by-night piece of shit that HarperCollins wanted me to write in two months. Fortunately for me, they want the damned thing to be good. I take a fair bit of pride in my work, and I’m lucky enough to have this project in the hands of people who feel the same way about theirs. Instead of pumping out some second or third draft of a piece of shit, we’ve gone through the multiple “passes” necessary to get the thing the way we want it.

Aside from that, there’s not much else going on. Just work. My training and diet have been insane lately, and I’m pretty happy about both. I’m at a new gym now – one that has more of the “toys” I like - and I’m finally doing my thing with a group of people who don’t blink when I start slapping myself in the face before a heavy set of squats, and don’t question me when I make one of my frequent, ill-advised forays back into fight training. That makes me very happy. Instead of being an object of curiosity at the gym, I’m now in a spot where I fit in very comfortably and I’m getting some serious work done.

On that note, there’s something I want you to take a look at if you’re at all interested in what some very influential people – including me, believe it or not - have to say about training and fitness. A few months ago, my friend Alwyn Cosgrove asked me to contribute some writing for a project he’d been working on. Alwyn is one of the best strength and conditioning coaches in the world, and I use many of his suggestions – especially his brutal barbell complexes – on a weekly basis. He’s also survived cancer (lymphoma) twice, and decided, on his own, to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (if you know me, you're well aware that cancer is an extremely personal subject for me) by putting this together. I wrote a three page essay for him on how to get your ass in shape and learn the “right” concepts without paying a personal trainer, so if you’re interested in supporting the worthiest of causes, please check it out. Based on the people involved, I guarantee you’ll find plenty you can use.

Finally, I hate the fucking Long Island Railroad with every fiber of my being. Can someone please explain to me why these lazy motherfucking LIRR conductors are permitted to close off three-quarters of the cars on overnight trains? They corral everyone into the middle five cars on the train, and half the people getting on – a good portion of whom are intoxicated - can’t find seats. One more car, guys. Open one more fucking car and we can all sit down. I know it’s really, really hard to punch tickets for an extra hundred feet, but can you please just fucking give it a try?