Saturday, October 21, 2006

Moved to tears

I wish Fox Sports would stop showing two things on their postseason baseball broadcasts:

1. People praying.

2. People crying.

If a baseball game compels you to either pray or cry, I wish I had your life. Many bad things have happened to me in my life. These bad things have given me something known as perspective. When you have perspective, you're able to develop a skill called keeping things in proportion.

Remember, you don't play for the Mets. I know I don't play for the Mets, which is why I never prayed when Carlos Beltran came to bat, and it's why I didn't cry when he DIDN'T TAKE THE BAT OFF HIS FUCKING SHOULDER AND LOOKED AT A CALLED THIRD STRIKE WITH AN 0-2 COUNT IN THE BOTTOM OF THE NINTH INNING OF GAME 7 OF THE NLCS.

When baseball games cause you to cry or call for divine intervention, you are lacking perspective, and you are unable to keep things in proportion. I wish my emotional history was so pristine -- and by "pristine," I mean lacking in events I'd term "devastating" -- that I'd consider, with a straight face, losing a baseball game to be something traumatic enough to cry over.