By a show of hands...

"Maybe," I think in my delusions, "this book I'm writing will be successful enough to get me on television."

"Maybe," I continue, abjectly refusing to snap out of my delusional state, "someone will want to interview me on camera. I'll go into the studio, sit down on a couch, and have some blonde in a skirt ask me all sorts of questions for three minutes."

And you know what'll happen if such a day as that ever comes? Certainly not this.

Whatever you may think of me, I can assure you that your initial reaction, upon seeing me on camera for the first time, will not be an overwhelming urge to hit me in the face with a brick.

Thanks to Margot for sending me this. I think I'll go give myself an enema now.