I’m back. I know you’ve heard this from me dozens of times, but I mean it. Seriously. I’ll be posting here regularly from now on, because I want to write and I need the practice. I’m no longer afraid of who’s reading, and I no longer give a shit if anyone I know wants to send angry emails or make snide comments. I spent years writing on this site before any of these people even knew it existed, so why I’ve let anything get out of my control in that regard, I have no idea.
I can also beat the living shit out of all of these people – and everyone they know – so I’m no longer worried about any of it.
And no, that last sentence wasn’t a joke. It’s crude and immature, but there’s a lot going on in my life right now, and I’ve been really fucking edgy lately because I’ve blown way too many opportunities for my own good over the past few years. There are myriad reasons for this, but those don’t matter to me anymore. If anyone I know has a problem with anything I have to say from now on, come see me personally. You know where to find me. Other than that, I don’t give a flying fuck.
So, yeah, I’ve been annoyed – at myself more than anything else. The past few years have been a nasty cycle of self-sabotage, procrastination, feeling sorry for myself, and a glaring failure to apply my energies to actually getting ahead. I haven’t gotten jack shit out of this deal but a few years older, either.
You know what, though? I’m still here, I’m still alive, and I’m several years wiser. I’ve been in the business world (sort of, kind of) this whole time, I’ve learned my ass from my elbow in myriad ways, and I’m not the same ignorant jerkoff I was five years ago. I’m convinced, however, that it’s essential to have gone through some shit when you want to create something, because if you haven’t gone through anything, whatever you’re trying to create will be total bullshit, and people will see through you. You write about what you know, and at this point, I know about “going through some shit” better than I know anything else in life.
So there’s your update. I’m going to make time to write here, I’ll do my best to make it good again, and we’ll see where things go from there.