Wednesday, March 12, 2008


Nothing funny has happened to me since last we spoke - at least nothing funny enough to compel me to sit down and write about it. Of course, some very funny things have taken place over the past few months. I just haven’t seen fit to write about them here, which is probably not good, because I used to really enjoy doing that.

I’ve kind of cut down on the pissing and moaning about them – the people – because I haven’t been bouncing as much lately, and I haven’t really been out in public as much as I used to be. I’ve been busy doing other shit, at some very odd hours, and I haven’t been in enough contact with them to formulate any of my signature theories or postulates on why they are how they are. Nothing, other than this fascinating style of dress that won’t seem to go away, has motivated me of late.

“Why do these idiots wear these stupid looking hats with those big, straight brims?”

“You should thank them. At least they’re carrying their sign and you can see them coming.”

I attribute my newfound placidity to the fact that stupid people are now, through the imbecilic nature of their aesthetic choices, telling us they’re stupid. When they do this, they don’t surprise us. Everyone likes surprises, until, as Tony Robbins says, we get a surprise we don’t want. These are called problems. When stupid people fail to surprise us, and we know they’re coming, they’re less likely to become problems, so I thank them for making such ill-advised fashion choices. The worse this wave of retardation gets, the more predictable life becomes.

Other than that, I have some serious shit coming up today, and I’m nervous. The serious shit I have coming up today pertains to that next book I’ve been telling you about. Today is kind of a make-or-break day for the whole thing, so keep your fingers crossed. If all goes well, I’ve got myself a book. If all doesn’t go well, I probably don’t. I’d say I’ll keep you posted, but you all probably don’t trust me to do that as far as you can throw me, and most of you probably can’t throw me very far.

And yes, Client 9 should resign immediately, but he won’t, because if he does, he’s got nothing left with which to bargain his ass out of more serious trouble.

That’s two in a row.