Methane

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I asked, scurrying to the other side of the lobby. “You’re an asshole! You can’t walk to the other side to do that shit? I was fucking comfortable, dick.”

“Just watch,” said Kevin, grinning. “That’ll fuckin’ clear everyone out.”

He’d farted so loudly, and for so long, that I could hear it over the music. People began to react predictably, moving away from the area as though they’d been tear-gassed.

“Nice!” I shouted over his line of fleeing victims.

“Go outside,” he mouthed, pointing to the front door.

As I started in that direction, I saw him swing around in front of me to do the same. I didn’t want to follow in his flatulent wake, so I stopped in my tracks.

“Dude, fucking stay in here. You’re gonna trail that shit and I don’t want you anywhere near me.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he replied. “I know how to drop it to the floor.”

* * * * *

In other “news,” I’ll be on the road – or in the air, to be more precise - this week, flying to Las Vegas to spend a few days with some friends. I haven’t really traveled much in recent years, so this is a fairly big deal for me. In fact, I haven’t gone more than two-hundred or so miles from New York in well over a year. The one time I actually did leave the area during this time was a one-night trip to Washington DC for a bachelor party. Even that wasn’t overly enjoyable because I had to work the following night, and was in my car on the way home to NY, with the requisite massive hangover, as soon as I woke up.

Simply put, I’m really looking forward to this trip. Not for any particular reason, mind you – just because I haven’t been anywhere in quite a while. That said, I’m openly soliciting offers of FREE SHIT. If you, or anyone you know, can “hook up” four guys with any FREE SHIT in Las Vegas, feel free to email me and let me know what kind of FREE SHIT you can “hook us up” with.

Also, shit-to-do suggestions will be greatly appreciated, provided these suggestions tend toward the avoidance of 1) Crowds of Morons and 2) Nightclubs.